Church and the Bibble

Posted: July 25th, 2014 - 9:48:39 PM
Views: 2,708
Anyone that knows me understands that I'm not a religious man. I'm just not a man of faith and in the immortal words of a great philosopher "This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby!". Nonetheless when I was younger I did love me some basketball. My buddy Matt went to a Baptist church and he approached me about joining it's basketball team. I was very hesitant but I did wanna play some organized basketball. So I asked "Do I have to go to church?" he replied with "Just once a month or so, I think". I figured I could endure church once a month for some basketball, so I agreed.

I'll stop right now and say that 'enduring church once a month' is not the right perspective to have when going to church but I was 17 and I was far more devoted to a basketball court than to any faith. Moving on...

So the first (and only) time I joined Matt for church was on a Sunday. He said it would look rude to bring a Gameboy so I sat there and listened to the sermon. Had the preacher been talking about super powers, girls or even He-man, I would have been in rapt attention but sadly I was supposed to feel guilty. Afterwards they sent us to a youth group (I think that's what it was called). It was basically one guy in his 20's talking to the church's youth about godly stuff (and sadly Zeus was never mentioned even once). So as everyone's going into this large room I noticed a very cute girl, a lot fold out chairs and on each chair there was a bible. I chuckled and as Matt and I were sitting down and I said in a voice that was much louder than necessary:

"Who's Holly Bibble?"


The entire room (did I mention it was large?) went dead silent and still and turned to look at me. I was thinking 'oh shit!, they are going to whoop my ass!' Everyone stared at Matt and I (I'm sure he got a lot of shit for inviting me) and after an awkward few moments, people started to sit down while tentatively glancing over to me, with what looked to be some sort of mixture of disdain and the look you get when you bite your tongue. So yeah... that didn't go well. Turns out my humor just didn't really blend (imagine that) with the religious masses.

I never went back and due to excessive cursing during basketball games (whooooops), that was not-so-sadly short lived as well. I mean when you're shooting a free throw, miss, curse and then see people on the sidelines doing that thing where they use their hands to cross their chest, undoubtedly warding off evil spirits (presumably me), you pretty much have to assume that their lives would just be happier without you in it.

Oh and that cute girl I mentioned... oddly enough she seemed a little bit more distant after the youth group instance. I don't know when but I have faith she'll come around eventually.
Here's More Absurdities