Online Dating Icebreaker: Perfectly Shaped Cranium

Posted: July 15th, 2014 - 10:24:26 PM
Views: 5,312
So from time to time I like to write people on dating sites absurd ice breakers that most likely won't get a reply. Sometimes their profile just asks for it. So on this particular female's profile she had said that she liked to write and that's important to be able to laugh at yourself when you are as clumsy as she. This was my icebreaker:

I enjoy writing myself. I put up a website where I write for my friends and regale them with interesting interactions from my exploits in online dating (among other things). Allow me to clarify, when I say "interactions" I really just mean me interacting while those on the other end who are most likely shooting guns in the sky, abusing animals and randomly pillaging low income housing. They clearly have to be doing all of these things since they don't have time to reply to my oh-so-interesting messages. But I digress...

So you're 5'10? I'm 6'2 and in the event that crazed birds were flying bye overhead and we were running for our lives, that 4 inches of height... it's gonna be the first target they see. They are going to go for my perfectly shaped target of a cranium while you run for safety. You know what? I call that security. I mean, that kind of security (and the frequency of its use) is pretty invaluable and not to be taken lightly.

You say you're clumsy? Hey, I got your back. I have ninja-fast hands and in the event that you start to topple over, they will grab you and hold you steady. Let's be honest here, how many introductory messages have you received that claimed they had ninja-fast hands? I'd say not too many and did they also claim to type their entire message in less than 7 seconds? Because that is yet another one of the benefits of having ninja-fast hands.

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