Online Dating Icebreaker: Ninjas and/or Ghosts

Posted: July 15th, 2014 - 7:32:58 AM
Views: 2,431
So from time to time I like to write people on dating sites absurd ice breakers that most likely won't get a reply. Sometimes their profile just asks for it. So on this particular female's profile she had some pretty fun stuff in there and I was actually kind of hoping I'd get a response but I felt she needed some absurdities, it just fit her personality. This was my icebreaker:

Alright, so in the event that I feel someone is interesting enough that messaging them may be fun, I look through their profile for small pieces of information that may be fun to write about. So when I saw the use of the word 'shenanigans' (in the second sentence, no less) I knew it was done, a message would be forthcoming. It's just a matter of time at that point. However when I saw:

"Using the power of ninjas /ghosts to overcome anything"

When I got over the shock to the exposure of your awesomeness, I figured you're far too cool for just a normal message so I've gotta step up my game, say something clever! (if you were to see me right now I'd be standing up, loosening my shoulders and doing other things of a manly variety that may give off the indication that I'm getting ready for some epic power struggle... or you know, messaging someone on a dating site).

So here we go, a little rant about who I am and why I should picked for either the next American Idol or for you to message me back. Hey, I'm not picky here but if I had to choose, I'm going to go with option #2 because you know, celebrity status, being rich, famous mehhhhhhh, I'd rather fight with the power of ninjas and/or ghosts and perhaps be a sour patch kid. But hey, I digress...

Look, mountains are high, rock climbing walls is so terribly.. climby and when you're up there looking down on the world you're going to need someone to shout sarcastic shit at all the people down below. That's only one of the things that's on table here Lindsey! And you know what goes well with rock climbing? Writing. That's right, writing. Now I'm not even sure how that's a logical conclusion or even remotely relevant but here I am, saying it, concluding it. That's another thing we have on the table here Lindsey, someone who will make absurd conclusions to keep things interesting. You think an army of ninjas and/or ghosts is scary? Well yes, it's actually quite terrifying and I did have something in response to that but the total fear and angst that visualizing an army of ninjas and/or ghosts is apparently very potent and I think I'm going to have to change the subject now because I'm clearly shaken. Hot damn Lindsey! That's the third thing I'm bringing to the table, the ability to show fear and or cowardice in a introductory greeting on a dating site. I'm fairly sure that approach is not a very popular one but that's what I'm going to go with here.

So Lindsey, c'mon, rocking climbing, ghosts, sour patch kids, boxtops, all that sounds fine and dandy but what you really need is a a person who is willing to shout sarcastic shit at people while making absurd conclusions and trembling at the mere thought of an army of ghosts and/or ninjas.

I mean, I'm not mathematician here but I'm pretty sure all that just equals up to "awesome".

Message me and I promise there will never be a dull moment (or even sanity).


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