Bread Ties

Posted: July 13th, 2014 - 8:28:40 AM
Views: 2,426
There is a special place of happiness and dreams with fluffy white clouds and great forest with extremely thin trees that give off the most refreshing of scents. Everything is calm, there is no hunger, humans or hands that exist there so all the world is refreshingly carefree. You can hang around, twisted up as comfortable as can be and without a worry or concern.

This place exists. It has to. Otherwise there is no logical reason that my bread ties try to flee within three seconds of being removed from my loaves of bread. I'm serious! It's far too consistent to be a simple misplacement.

I've now become quite paranoid upon the beginning stages of my sandwich creation. Though rattled by the imminent fleeing of the bread ties, I start off simple enough. Things get to working, ingredients start smelling good and before too long I have a tasty, delicious sandwich in front of me. WOooOHoo! Before I can eat it however, I must put my bread back in the...

WHAT IN THE FUCK!

Gone again! That little bastard bread tie has made the 1017th attempt to escape to bread tie heaven (or whatever those little shits call it). Now I've got my tasty delicious lunch right in front of me, getting cold and I'm having to find this rebellious bread tie that has gone rogue. GAH! In the first few minutes of pathetic searching I give in to the temptation of the sandwich as my right hand picks it up and puts it in my maw while my left hand desperately picks up items on the counter to find that fucking bread tie.

That's when it hits me! Bread ties have a cloaking mechanism too! NoOooOOoOOOOOOooo!!!

It's a futility! I've already ate my sandwich over a stressful meal and I want to drop kick babies. I give up, just tie my loaf of bread in a knot and stow it away. I turn around, go in the other room and hot dammit, bread tie on the floor.

It almost made it.

Good thing my lighter never hides, I'll be introducing the two shortly.

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