Wearing Sunglasses Indoors

Posted: July 12th, 2014 - 11:53:46 PM
Views: 5,339
What the shit people?

I went to the Florida mall with my daughter today and as I languished on the outskirts of the children's playground I passed the time by people watching. There were probably close to a dozen males that were wearing their sunglasses indoors. Notice I didn't say females and that's due to females not being severely mentally deficit in terms of either fashion or common sense.

Yes, it is a pet peeve of mine (how'd you guess?) but in my life's long travels I've only come across three good reasons for wearing sunglasses indoors:

1) You are blind
2) You are hungover
3) You are hoping like hell that nobody recognizes you from that infomercial you did at 2 AM in the morning that ripped off thousands of people.

Aside from the extremely exceptional #3 reason, there are really only two reasons that are justifiable. The men I saw dawning their supa cool shady shades today were trying to either look cool (cough) or be hard (YO BRO). The "hard" thing seemed to work because people certainly kept their distance from those sunglass-wearing individuals, mainly the females but effective nonetheless. The guys who look cool though, wow, what a threat to the gene pool. I just wanted to walk up them and say:

I'm sorry sir but those sunglasses are redundant indoors. Not only do they not offer you protection from the harmful UV rays but they also don't make you look any more interesting. The same could be said for your hair that leans 4 inches to the right, your jeans that almost caused you to trip into that baby over there or that fantastic wife-beater you're sporting that depicts what looks to be the Canary Islands out of mayonnaise stains that you've so clearly placed with artistic accuracy to show others how creative you are.

Well, I would start to say that but they'd probably not see me with to their poor eyesight due to unforeseen (no pun there) environmental deficiencies.

I mean, I feel the fashion appeal to wearing sunglasses indoors is very similar to the fashion statement of wearing camouflage to public places. Outside of the fact that I noticed you wearing your camouflage (which means it's not working), it just doesn't look at all fashionable. Nor does it really make me say "Hey, that person was in the armed forces, I'll give them more respect because they are wearing something my insane uncle wore when he chose to bathe in the river and tell secrets to rocks by the old barn in the woods." Chances are I just facepalm, take a mental record of a noteworthy topic and move on.

Look, I'm all for not giving a fuck about anyone's opinions and wearing or doing whatever it is they feel comfortable doing but impairing your vision just to look cool or sweating your ass off in the middle of the Florida summer to sport those cool, hip, cammies doesn't really exude much self confidence. That's when your personal choice becomes uncomfortable and if you're doing something uncomfortable just to be fashionable, well, it just looks like weak sauce to me. coughHIGHHEELScough
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